Charlotte Barbies

[49er]

Thought this was kinda funny. For all you non Charlotte forumers here's a true description of Charlotte area neighborhoods.

Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Charlotte area market:

Gastonia Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.

Ballantyne Barbie

This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit and cookie cutter house available.

Mathews/Mint Hill Barbie

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of East Charlotte Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Chevy Corsica.

Dilworth Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Included are her own platinum credit card, a country club membership, and a map to find her way to the beach. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.

West Charlotte Barbie

This recently-paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.

Myers Park Barbie

This Barbie is the most expensive, due to her extravagant outfit: Mink full length coat and 5 carat diamond ring, Prada shoes and Versace pantsuits. This Barbie also has a blank stare and is nicknamed Botox Barbie. Myers Park Barbie drives a chrome accented Mercedes SUV that has never seen a dirt road. Myers Park Ken also comes with Prada outfit and is sold with a snifter glass of brandy, a Cuban cigar, and a 48 foot Hatteras Sport Fisher.

Central Ave. Barbie

Attire includes: Low-waisted jeans, too long with rips along the cuffs, a T-shirt 2-sizes-too-small purchased in the little boys section of the thrift store, flip-flops & glasses. Hair is cut asymmetrically & dyed dark burgundy. This Barbie is pierced & tattooed & instead of a car comes with a Vespa scooter, which is all you need to get around "uptown."

Lake Norman/North Charlotte Barbie

New York and Ohio Transplant Barbie. This Barbie comes with a Ford SUV (with Ohio plates or New York), a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, tons of makeup, and really big hair. LkNm Ken sold separately. This Barbie is the same model as the older version Ballantyne Barbie that was released in 1996. She comes with shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad

haircut.

The Non-Downtown Bar Barbie

This average looking, cigarette smoking, bleached-blonde Barbie comes with sandals, tight pants, and a red spaghetti strap half shirt to show off her belly button ring and lower back tat. This Barbie comes with a Ford Mustang GT, a cell phone with an assortment of annoying ring-tones, as well as a night bag. She also comes with three "good-guy banker" dolls to match the local gender statistics. Additional options include the "skip the line" pass for Boppers and the "get out of the DUI free" card.

Everything Sucks in Charlotte Barbie

This larger city transplant from mostly NYC and California comes dressed in almost designer clothes out of TJ Max. This model speaks phrases like "Everything is better in NYC" "In California we don't have to do that." She can also beotch up a storm about what Charlotte doesn't have, but forgets that this is her new home and moved her for a reason, (A better job with lower cost of living.) She comes with her own 10,000 sq. ft. mansion that was paid for by selling her 1,500 sq. ft. home at $900,000. She enjoys notworking and spending Ken's money. You can purchase separately an accompanying local Charlottean doll that has lived here for more than 5 years holding a sign that says "If you don't like it here, move the hell back!"

[Neo]

LMAO!! HILARIOUS!!

[utcltjay]

very funny!!! and very accurate. I want a mullet head ken!

[Scott]

I like the Central Ave Barbie on the vespa scooter

[monsoon]

New members?

[Miesian Corners]

Thought this was kinda funny. For all you non Charlotte forumers here's a true description of Charlotte area neighborhoods.

Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Charlotte area market:

Gastonia Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.

Carefull, you'll pi*s off the NASCAR lovers on this site with that one

Ballantyne Barbie

This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit and cookie cutter house available.

Mathews/Mint Hill Barbie

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of East Charlotte Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Chevy Corsica.

Dilworth Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Included are her own platinum credit card, a country club membership, and a map to find her way to the beach. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.

Don't think this one is in line with the Dilworth women I know.  They're in the Myers Park School Distrct (no need for Country Day) and don't have a country club anywhere near them.  Dilworth Barbie would come with NIMBY documents to back up her case for why you can't make changes to the neighborhood now that she's moved into her 1920s bungalow and blown off the roof turning it into a McMansion with 3,500 square feet

West Charlotte Barbie

This recently-paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.

Myers Park Barbie

This Barbie is the most expensive, due to her extravagant outfit: Mink full length coat and 5 carat diamond ring, Prada shoes and Versace pantsuits. This Barbie also has a blank stare and is nicknamed Botox Barbie. Myers Park Barbie drives a chrome accented Mercedes SUV that has never seen a dirt road. Myers Park Ken also comes with Prada outfit and is sold with a snifter glass of brandy, a Cuban cigar, and a 48 foot Hatteras Sport Fisher.

Central Ave. Barbie

Attire includes: Low-waisted jeans, too long with rips along the cuffs, a T-shirt 2-sizes-too-small purchased in the little boys section of the thrift store, flip-flops & glasses. Hair is cut asymmetrically & dyed dark burgundy. This Barbie is pierced & tattooed & instead of a car comes with a Vespa scooter, which is all you need to get around "uptown."

Lake Norman/North Charlotte Barbie

New York and Ohio Transplant Barbie. This Barbie comes with a Ford SUV (with Ohio plates or New York), a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, tons of makeup, and really big hair. LkNm Ken sold separately. This Barbie is the same model as the older version Ballantyne Barbie that was released in 1996. She comes with shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad

haircut.

Don't forget that Lake Norman Barbie was once married to a US Airways pilot and loves to complain about gas prices for her Navigator as she sits in I-77 traffic

The Non-Downtown Bar Barbie

This average looking, cigarette smoking, bleached-blonde Barbie comes with sandals, tight pants, and a red spaghetti strap half shirt to show off her belly button ring and lower back tat. This Barbie comes with a Ford Mustang GT, a cell phone with an assortment of annoying ring-tones, as well as a night bag. She also comes with three "good-guy banker" dolls to match the local gender statistics. Additional options include the "skip the line" pass for Boppers and the "get out of the DUI free" card.

Everything Sucks in Charlotte Barbie

This larger city transplant from mostly NYC and California comes dressed in almost designer clothes out of TJ Max. This model speaks phrases like "Everything is better in NYC" "In California we don't have to do that." She can also beotch up a storm about what Charlotte doesn't have, but forgets that this is her new home and moved her for a reason, (A better job with lower cost of living.) She comes with her own 10,000 sq. ft. mansion that was paid for by selling her 1,500 sq. ft. home at $900,000. She enjoys notworking and spending Ken's money. You can purchase separately an accompanying local Charlottean doll that has lived here for more than 5 years holding a sign that says "If you don't like it here, move the hell back!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[SmellyCat]

When I read the headline, I thought this was a thread about the Charlotte Bobcats.